Confession & New Beginning

You’ve heard that confession is good for the soul. Well, maybe, but it’s embarrassing as all get out. (I had to edit that from what I wanted to say. This is a family friendly blog for the most part.) (And that last was a delaying tactic to put off saying what I need to say.)

Bummer.

I weigh more than is healthy or looks good. (I can’t bring myself to say publicly the “F” word, but it’s applicable.) Over the last year and a half, I’ve watched friends and family members lose weight, while I’ve gained.    (This is July visiting with thin cousins. The whole pic is in an earlier blog about Branson trip.)

I’ve felt anger: “No one can tell me what to do. I’m in control.”      

And jealousy: “If she loses any more weight, she’ll be a stick. Easy for her/him because….” Fill in the blank.

I’ve not been a nice person, which is not who I am. At my core, I’m a very nice person.

Many times, I’ve almost picked up the phone to sign up for one of those programs you see on TV. They obviously work. Or counseling. But then, I don’t.

My controlling nature (which should’ve been a huge positive factor in the battle of the bulge) has backfired, pushing me into self-defeating behaviors.

My new career—author—requires I spend hours in front of the computer. (Other folks have sedentary jobs and somehow manage.) No excuses. Being an author does not require that I stuff my face with chocolates or hard candy in order to type faster. Carrots and grapes will work just as well, thank you very much. 

Actions have consequences. Monday morning when I stepped on the scale, I saw I number I’d never seen before. Apparently, this was the final straw (cliché alert, but it isn’t even appropriate.) More like the final pound.

For me, September is a time for new beginnings. In order to be around to see my grands graduate from high school and maybe even college, to feel proud of myself in my clothes at book signings and social events, to enjoy life more, I’m changing a few behaviors.

Folks, it’s not like I don’t know how to lose weight. I could write a book.  But knowing and doing are two different things. It is past time for a heck of a lot more doing. Here’s the plan:

1. More protein—eggs, Morning Star sausage patties, or gluten free cereal for breakfast

2. Snack of fruit mid-morning

3. Salad for lunch–lettuce based but with protein (chicken/tuna) Low fat dressing

4. Snack of nuts mid-afternoon

5. Protein & vegies for supper

6. Eliminate wine

7. Eliminate/Decrease gluten based products (never tried this before, but I’m pretty desperate.)

8. Exercise: Pilates twice a week. Walk 4 mornings a week

9. Weigh every morning.

10. Write down what I eat and weigh

11. And pray. I don’t believe anyone breaks an addiction without some help from whatever their higher power is. My addiction is to my own control. Being able to do what I want when I want to. As Dr. Phil says, “How has that worked out for you?”

In the past, I’ve quite smoking. I’ve quit drinking. (For ten years after going through a program the school district offered to staff, board, administrators and parents. I went as a parent. The result was I stopped so I could tell my daughters not to drink.) (My friends and family tell me I wasn’t a very fun person during those years, but I was thin. LOL)

I’ve also stopped drinking Diet Cokes after decades of 3-a-day! So I’ve got a track record of being able to control my behavior. I’m now using that control to take charge of what I eat and drink. (Don’t worry, friends and family, I’m not swearing off wine forever, but for the short term.)

To begin with the goal is 40 pounds. When I get there, I’ll decide about the next 10. You know my issues with math, but here goes. 40 lbs divided by 2 lbs a week is 20 weeks, 20 weeks divided by 4 weeks = 5 months. (I hate word problems!) but I think that’s right. (If I should be multiplying in that equation, I don’t want to know. LOL) Of course, some weeks will be less. Stuff does happen. So say 6-7 months. By mid-May, I will be a slimmer, healthier me.    Outside my school summer of 2004     Me next to our mascot the Dolphin!     Had to go back 10 years to find goal pictures. Should be even better than this, because I have Pilates muscles now. LOL                   

I’ll report at the end of each of my Thoughts on Thursday blogs the progress I’ve made, but we’ll talk about other stuff like we usually do. If you feel inclined to join me, that would be lovely. Share your story and your progress. Your prayers will certainly be appreciated and you’ll get mine.

What would you like to change about yourself? Have you struggled with behaviors that have negative consequences? What works for you? Love to hear from you.